Just About Me.

There must be something wrong with society, right? Like, there must be something wrong that I feel guilty when I want people to pay attention to me. That’s messed up, right? Why is it so hard for me to express my desires. I somehow feel like it is wrong for me to want. But, I don’t think it is wrong for me to want some recognition as I’m graduating. But I do. There are two parts of me: the calm, logical part, and the scared, anxious part who are at war with one another. The logical part says it is perfectly fine for me to want attention as I approach something so big and important. The anxious part says I can only push people away. The sad thing is, most of the time, the anxious part is winning. I mean, I’m already not having a graduation party. And my grandparents might not be able to come, due to circumstances that are absolutely, positively not their fault. It still hurts. Not the party; I don’t want a party. What I did want was for everyone to come, give me a hug, and then watch me walk across the stage. Is that too much to ask for? I had hoped not, but I am beginning to think so.

I’m gonna go ahead and apologize right now if this didn’t make sense. I’m not entirely lucid right now, so, not expecting big things here. Also, my apologies for the lateness. It's been a weird week. Also, I did not realize how short this one is. Again, my apologies.

See you soon...

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

But I hear sounds in my mind
Brand new sounds in my mind
But honey I'll be seein' you, ever, I go
But honey I'll be seein' you down every road
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
'Cause honey I'll come get my things, but I can't let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it
Oh, I wish I could get my things and just let go
I'm waiting for it, that green light, I want it

Last Chorus of the Day:

Now or Never by Halsey