What I'm... No. 17

I'm back! I'm sorry for missing an extra week there, but my house kind of flooded a bit (it's all fine now) and I had to take another week off. However, I am back, and here to talk about what I've been doing in the past few weeks. Thank you all for sticking with me, and thank you for coming back.

Reading:

Books:

Rocket Men by Robert Kurson

This book was excellent. I did already know the story of Apollo 8, but it was particularly touching to read about the astronaut's lives now. They all gave so much to the space program, but they turned around and gave that much to their families. Touchingly, Apollo 8 is the only Gemini or Apollo mission whose crew members' marriages all survived. Also, I love Jim Lovell.

The World Is Flat by Thomas L. Friedman

This book was interesting. It was a tiny bit dry, but it was very good. I enjoyed it, and I thought Friedman had many important points, but it is a bit outdated (written in 2004). Also, before anyone asks, it is not about flat Earth. At no point in this book does he say that the actual Earth is flat. It's a metaphor!

Star Wars: Last Shot by Daniel Jose Older

This book was so good. It was funny, touching, a hauntingly kind portrait of two men who entirely do not and completely do deserve veneration. Lando and Han are captured in shades of grey much softer than any movie. Also, Han as a father, in this universe, is someone I can respect and love. What happened to Ben is lamentable, but Han and Leia are trying, hoping for something more wonderful than their own lives. Their futures are such a tragedy.

Feel Free by Zadie Smith

This essay collection is amazing. Everything in it is treated with respect, with the kind of reverence that life so rarely deserves. Smith renders her world in beautiful brushstrokes and this book was an extremely enjoyable read.

Terminal Alliance by Jim C. Hines

And this book was hilarious! Science fiction at its best—brutally funny yet startlingly serious. I cannot speak highly enough of it.

The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood

This book was good, but not my favorite Atwood book. However, I did love the Midsummer's Night's Dream parallels.

Science in the Soul by Richard Dawkins

This book was so good! I'm not usually one for biology, but I loved the other essays in this book. Dawkins has so much to say about the pitfalls of religion and the problems of the American South that I was blown away. And he's British!

The Romanovs by Simon Sebag Montefiore

I am entranced by Russian history, so I am very excited to read this book. I've loved what I've read so far. I also decided to take Russian in college, so this book is all kinds of perfect.

Listening:

Music:

Paramore

I saw Paramore live recently, so I've really been loving their music. Also, do you not love every single one of Hayley Williams's looks.

Fall Out Boy

Fall Out Boy is still an old stand-by.

The Killers

Wonderful, Wonderful is still one of the most beautiful albums ever created.

Bastille

I cannot stop listening to Bad Blood. Also, Quarter Past Midnight is a great song.

Death Cab for Cutie

I love everything that Death Cab has ever done. I am so excited for their album release in August.

Florence + the Machine

I'm sure that my obsession with Florence + the Machine has not gone unnoticed, but I just want to say that I love the new album. Somehow she has managed to find the next step in her musical journey, which seemed pretty impossible prior to this release.

Watching:

Movies:

Infinity War

This movie messed me up. I spent most of it crying, but I did enjoy it. I can't wait for the next movie. However, someone better save **** and ***** or I'm going to scream. (Names redacted for spoilers)

TV:

Star Trek: The Original Series

Still making my way through the series, slowly.

Supernatural

Watched some early Supernatural, screamed a lot. That's all I have to say.

Queer Eye

I have not finished Season 2, but I do love everything I have seen so far.

Legends of Tomorrow

I love Legends. Everyone in my family is so much farther than I am, though, but I am slowly catching up.

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency

It is not possible to love a TV show more than I love Dirk Gently. Somehow, these people made the perfect show—and then it got canceled. Probably never going to get over that, to be honest.

YouTube:

vlogbrothers

My love for the Green brothers almost goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway.

Dan & Phil

These two British dorks are amazing, but I do have to strongly recommend their Sims series. If you've ever wanted to see two grown men epically fail at raising Sims in a normal environment and then succeed beyond their wildest dreams by a series of lucky accidents, this is the place for you.

Geek & Sundry

Critical Role continues to amaze.

Melanie Murphy

I love Melanie!!!! I have really fallen in love with her videos recently, and I just want more.

Hannah Witton

I also love Hannah. She manages to have an effervescent personality even through so much hardship.

Lucy Moon

Lucy is an absolute joy to watch. I wait for every video with bated breath.

Evan Edinger

Evan is funny and surprisingly insightful, and I love watching his journey to UK citizenship, a journey I hope to repeat someday.

Mary Kate Wiles

Mary Kate is still my absolute favorite person ever and I rewatch her videos all the time.

Just Write

This is a new writing channel I found, and I enjoy every video. I only wish there were more.

I must say, everything here is a wonderful piece of media. Also, I'm writing this in the car, which probably explains why I sound slightly brain dead.

Thank you so much for reading.

See you soon…

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

Shake it out, shake it out,
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out,
Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa

Last Chorus of the Day:
Things We Lost in the Fire by Bastille

Where I Am Right Now

Just so everyone knows, I am in Britain right now, so there will be no blog post this week or next. Two weeks from now, look for me again!

So, I Graduated?

Which is weird, to be honest. It feels strange to be free of high school, strange to have moved on to a world that feels too big and uncertain to ever have a place for me. This world is large and terrifying and I don’t know how I will be able to live in it. High school is like a security blanket at this point. It is safe, it is warm, it has protected me from the ravaging craziness of the ‘real world’. I will miss my high school years, the four years that shaped me, that molded me into the person I am today. I would like to think that high school has made me a better person, not just smarter but stronger, kinder, braver, stranger, more me. High school has helped me find myself, and I want this person to be good. I so desperately hope that I am the person I wish to be, the person that my parents wish me to be.

High school means so much to me, and the people that I met here mean so much more. My teachers and friends are so important, and I want to acknowledge how much their guidance has influenced me. I learned that I love physics, that I can write a great article, that I’m funnier than I expected to be, that people can love each other without ever saying so. I learned how to build a community, how to build publication, how to build a life. High school is a practice run for the real thing and I feel like I have done pretty well on that. Even though I did not have the four-point I always thought I would, I did end high school with much more self-awareness than I had before. Although I have not stopped procrastinating (I am writing this on Tuesday when I had plenty of time all week, not being at school and all), I have learned to recognize it, which is much better than before.

I cannot write here everything that high school has taught me. The lessons are innumerable, and there is no use trying to count them all here. I loved high school, and I expect to love college. I will miss my high school friends forever, but we are stronger having known each other than not. There are so many people that I love fiercely, that I know are stronger than me, smarter than me, wiser than me, better than me.

Thank you so much for reading.

See you soon…

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire
These are the things, the things we lost
The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire

Last Chorus of the Day:
Queen of Peace by Florence + the Machine

This is the End

My last day of high school was May 25. I still really can’t believe it. The days seem to stretch together into this unbeing, this unhappening mass of time that slides, simply, slowly from one day to the next. To be honest, I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not quite sure how I will ever do anything with the unending stretch of time in front of me. There is so much time and so little to do, but the world doesn’t seem to care about my problems. Time stops for no one, and so, I must rise each day to an open expanse of nothing and wonder how people live in a world that is not defined by sharp, computer-generated tones shrilling every day at the precise time they mean to. This summer feels like an amorphous blob, as does the years beyond. Will I ever stop feeling the pressure of the rest of my life waiting for me to do something with it? How can one possibly survive?

Thank you so much for reading.

See you soon…

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

Suddenly I'm overcome

Dissolving like the setting sun

Like a boat into oblivion

Cause you're driving me away

Now you have me on the run

The damage is already done

Come on, is this what you want

Cause you're driving me away

Last Chorus of the Day:

Lost in Stereo by All Time Low

On AP Exams and Stupidity

AP exams tend to be horrible, awful, terrifying things that suck the soul right out of your body. I can testify to this, certainly, given my history with the tests. I took AP US History two years ago, AP Literature, AP Language, and AP Calculus AB last year, and both AP Physics exams and AP Calculus BC this year. Now, the reason that AP tests are so difficult, in my opinion, is that they are designed to measure your intelligence. Not how much you know about a subject, but how much you can figure out about it in three hours, based on a year’s worth of class. When you look at them this way, it makes perfect sense that the tests would be soul-crushingly difficult. You are being asked to work on a level that most high school students never experience.

However, my AP exams have not all been horrible, awful, terrible, or soul-sucking. One of my most recent exams, AP Calc BC, was an almost enjoyable experience. Now, you may be shaking your head in wonder or going through the last paragraph, wondering what I got wrong. Hear me out.

I shouldn’t have taken the BC exam.

I don’t have an actual BC course, just an online class that I should be finishing right at the moment I type these words, and that online class didn’t teach me much about how Calculus should be done. So, I went into the exam with little knowledge of anything more advanced than AB. This sounds like a nightmare—one of mine, to be exact.

It wasn’t. Taking the exam was almost enjoyable. I gave myself permission to not know the answers, so I didn’t beat myself up when I didn’t. Every question I could complete was a pleasant surprise, so I spent the time being positive instead of negative. And, I no longer cared what the AP graders thought of me. They could give me whatever grade they wanted and I would be pleasantly surprised by all of it. There was just so much weight off my shoulders.

Also, I had a ton of extra time in which to write poetry in my head and design Sims houses. I had a lovely time, and then I left, easy as that. There’s something freeing about forgetting to care what other people think of you. Whatever I get on that BC exam will not be a reflection of me and my abilities, no matter what. My Physics exams, on the other hand…

Thank you so much for reading.

See you soon…

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

She's dancing alone

I'm ready to go but she's so

Lost in stereo, lost in stereo

She's out of control, so beautiful

In stereo, lost in stereo

And I've been waiting for so long

But she'll never know

I'm losing hope 'cause she's so

Lost in stereo, lost in stereo

Lost in stereo, lost in stereo

Last Chorus of the Day:

Miss Atomic Bomb by The Killers

I Love Basically Every Single Avenger

I was talking with my friends last week, and we decided that the most amazing thing about the Avengers is that we are in love with most of them. And I will go through them now.

Iron Man/Tony Stark

I absolutely love Tony. For one thing, he is a super genius and I have learned that I am attracted to intelligence above all else. However, he is so much more than smart these days. He is funny, kind, loving, a wonderful father figure, and a great team player. He works as hard as he can to save the world and he is willing to give up everything he owns to defeat the forces of evil.

Thor

I was once challenged to name a man sexier than Thor. I capitulated. I mean, come on, look at that face. He's crazy handsome—and just plain crazy, but that only makes me love him more. Who else can laugh in the face of such terrible danger? He just needs a hug to help him through the loss of literally everyone he cares about.

Hulk/Bruce Banner

I'm not the Hulk's biggest fan, but I did like him better in Infinity War than ever before, but I am insanely attracted to Bruce Banner. He is Tony Stark but with more of the good qualities and fewer of the crazy drunk uncle qualities.

Captain America/Steve Rogers

I think it is impossible not to love Steve. He is just so pure and good. He is trying his best in a world that he doesn't truly belong in, fighting to save a time he doesn't truly know and working with people, not simply ordering them, in an attempt to save a world he has come to love and appreciate. Steve Rogers has given up everything he has ever known, and he remains calm, focused, and loving, just the kind of person you want to hug for an hour. He needs it.

Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff

Natasha is a damn attractive woman. I'm not sure I like the blonde, but I do like her. Dry wit and drop kicks is a beautiful combination, and Natasha manages to make everything look good, no matter what.

Dr. Stephen Strange

Dr. Strange is pretty great. Not only are his powers amazing, but he is an attractive man. However, his personality could use some work. I can't fault him for his undying desire to protect the earth, though.

War Machine/Rhodey

Rhodey deserves a hug. I want to give him one. He earned it.

Spider-Man/Peter Parker

Not only is Peter insanely smart, but he is insanely cute too. He is funny and adorable, and I just want to kiss him forever. Although, I wish he were a bit older than high school because high school sucks and I want to forget it after I graduate in like two weeks.

Black Panther/T'Challa

T'Challa is amazing. He is a wonderful leader and he is tireless in protecting his people. This is a leader I could get behind. Unfortunately, he is not real. Still love him.

Vision

Vision is weird for me. He is part JARVIS, which makes me want to love and protect him. However, Vision has always felt like a bit of a throw-away character for me. I don't think that he was set up well at the beginning of his MCU journey, which makes any attempts to characterize him at this point awkward.

Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff

Wanda is amazing. She is a boss and I just love her. I wish that she could have happiness, but she seemed to have 'DOOM' written on her forehead the moment she walked onto the screen. I just want to hold her and hug her and love her.

Falcon/Sam Wilson

Sam Wilson is something else. He is funny on a whole different level and amazingly loyal. He didn't have much screen time in this film, though, and that made me sad. However, nothing can top his 'so you like cats' line in Civil War.

Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes

I think Sebastian Stan is pretty cute, but I don't think that he was characterized very well in the movies. He is like Vision to me; he could have been good, but he started off on the wrong foot and hasn't been able to recover.

Loki

First off, I would like to thank the maker of this poster since Marvel didn't see fit to actually release a Loki one. I wanted to talk about Loki even though he isn't really on the team because I love him so much. Tom Hiddleston is amazing, and he brought such a depth and gravitas to Loki that the character seems to step right off the screen. I think that his portrayal of Loki is truly amazing, and I want to love him forever, to hold him until the pain goes away, to fix everything and see him smile. However, maybe the magic of Loki is his pain. I'm not quite sure, to be honest.

Mantis

Mantis is amazing. She is so funny and cute and I just want to be her best friend and play pranks with her.

Nebula

Can we just right now acknowledge that Karen Gillan is hot and amazing? So is Nebula. She is smart as a whip and sharp as a tack and doesn't take anything from anybody. I think she is the most amazing person and I wish that we could see more of her in the future.

Drax the Destroyer

I think Drax is funny and I like him, but I wouldn't say I love him. He just isn't my cup of tea, to be honest.

Groot and Rocket

These two are something else. It would be hard for me to love Groot any more than I already do. He is so funny and cute and just always ready to do the right thing, which is a nice contrast to snarky, I'm-just-in-this-for-myself Rocket. The two are a truly amazing pair.

Gamora

I love Gamora. She is amazing from head to toe and can basically do no wrong. She's beautiful, powerful, and strong, almost able to defeat her demons (Thanos) single handedly. However, she fails to humanize people often and doesn't let emotions get in the way of her personal goals. And I can't help but love her for it.

Star-Lord/Peter Quill

I know that everyone in the whole entire world is hating on Star-Lord right now, but I still love him. In his place, I don't think I would have done anything differently, and I respect his love for Gamora. He was in a horrible situation that is awful for his mental health and he made a bad choice. I did that just this morning. Sure, I didn't destroy half the universe, but I also didn't lose someone that I care about to a weird purple freak.

So, the Avengers are all heartthrobs, who knew, right? Also, that movie ripped my guts out through my chest and mashed them on the floor. There will be a review eventually.

See you soon...

~Susie

Chorus of the Day:

Miss Atomic Bomb

Making out, we've got the radio on

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

Racing shadows under moonlight

Through the desert on a hot night

And for a second there we'd won

Yeah, we were innocent and young

Last Chorus of the Day:

Green Light by Lorde