A Reflection on Turtles All the Way Down by John Green

There will be spoilers. I am not writing about the story per say, but I cannot promise that there won't be spoilers.

I didn't realize where I was in my brain until I read this book. While my experience is not the same as Aza's, there are similarities. I am also trapped in the prison of my own consciousness, and it is terrifying down here too.
This book reminded me of the walls. I read it all in one day, and I had to stop halfway through just to cry.
Everything is falling apart for everyone. Everyone is just a mixture of their compulsions, and we label certain people as 'crazy' because their compulsions are weirder than everyone else's. But every character in this book was stuck in the prison of themselves, stuck with their own compulsions and their own confusions and their own problems, and not one of them can truly see past the wall. No one notices Aza's compulsions until it is almost too late, but she also fails to realize that her mother worries over her because she has to. Daisy is compelled to do stupid things with her money. Davis is compelled to worry about his brother. Noah is compelled to worry about his father. And Russell Pickett, wherever he is, is compelled to leave everything to a tuatara, to believe that the tuatara can stop death.
This book reminded me that we are all afraid of something. We are all driven by something whether that something feels like our decision or not.
This was my favorite of John's books. It made me hurt, way deep down, in a way that not even TFIOS could. I can't imagine living with Aza's obsessive compulsive disorder, just like I am sure no one can imagine living with my anxiety. I certainly cannot imagine living with John's OCD, and I hope that he understands that. We are all unable to understand each other, and that is the true tragedy of humanity.
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Chorus of the Day!

Dirty laundry is piling in her room
She's got her secrets, yeah I've got mine too
I don't care about what you did
Only care about what we do
Dirty laundry
Looks good on you

Last Chorus of the Day:
Canyon Moon by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

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La! ~SCP