This is What Happens Now

Sometimes, you just have to move on. In these days, I am constantly reminded that democracy is not broken, and hope is not pointless. America was made to stand still; we will not run backwards at breakneck speed.
I am scared. I will say it. Deep within me, there is fear, there is anger, there is sadness. But there is also hope. I have to pin that to my soul, and let everything else fly free. I must become Pandora's Box. I think it is worth realising that he has opened a lot of Pandora's Boxes, but he is a man. He is a man, doing a woman's job.
My mother keeps saying that he might lose interest. Being President is stressful, and hard. The government does not collapse when the President checks out. The government does not collapse when the President spends all his time playing golf.
We also have to remember that his rhetoric on the campaign trail was extreme. There is no way he can do everything he talked about on the campaign.
But, what I really want to talk about is complicity. Complicity, according to the New American Oxford Dictionary, is the state of being involved with others in an illegal activity or wrongdoing.
I feel complicit. I feel like it is my fault he was elected. I didn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't do anything to stop it. I can't vote. But, I feel like this is my fault.
Do you ever feel that if you can not know something it can't happen?
I felt that way about the election. I tried my hardest not to look at the results, not to hear about them. I was afraid that he had won, and I feel that if I hadn't observed my worst fear, it wouldn't have happened.
I know it isn't my fault, but I feel like it is. I can't stop feeling that.
Tuesday night, I took a shower, and in the middle of it, I sat down and cried. I just sat down in the shower and cried, with the hot water falling on my soapy hair. I cried for ages, until my eyes hurt and I had run out of tears. Wednesday night, I watched John Green's vlogbrothers video, and cried, horrible heaving sobs that racked my whole body. This is not okay.

It just isn't
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Chorus of the Day!

Step one: drink
Step two: make mistakes
Step three: pretend you don't remember
Step four: drink a little more
Step five: I need to run dry
I need to run dry

I'm gonna take one more shot
Then I'm quitting forever
Cross my heart, cross my fingers

Last Chorus of the Day:
House of Gold by Twenty One Pilots

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La! ~SCP

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